


Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

by venomousOctopus



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mildly Antagonistic Acquaintances to Relationship Limbo, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 09:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venomousOctopus/pseuds/venomousOctopus
Summary: “You’re kidding me, right?”“I'm not. It’s simply a request, you don't have to accept it.” Tsubaki looked at him then, and though he was still smiling, Niles could see a crease in the corner of his crimson eyes, thinking, calculating over his words. “As long as you don't tell anyone about this request of mine.”“Then I’m the wrong person to ask, Mr. Perfect.”“Even if you tell someone I doubt they would believe you.”“Even if they don't, it would make for a delicious rumour, wouldn't it? Tsubaki, the perfect retainer, the pinnacle of charm and talent, asking lil ol’ Niles if he wants to be his bedwarmer.”





	Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much to @Marinosepass for being my beta and reading it over bc god, was i rly unsure about a lot of this fic. It was meant to be kind of a short character study/snapshots of their relationship kind of fic but it kind of....ran away on me.

It was Tsubaki that had initiated the affair.

Niles had raised an eyebrow, leaning back on the parapet that overlooked a space of vast nothingness. Tsubaki stood primly next to him, his crimson hair fluttering in the breeze that seemed to always blow on top of the fort walls. He was smiling in that irritating way of his, eyes drawn closed, the corner of his lips held in place by years of practised etiquette, and that had annoyed Niles more than the question itself.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“I'm not. It’s simply a request, you don't have to accept it.” Tsubaki looked at him then, and though he was still smiling, Niles could see a crease in the corner of his crimson eyes, thinking, calculating over his words. “As long as you don't tell anyone about this request of mine.”

“Then I’m the wrong person to ask, Mr. Perfect.”

“Even if you tell someone I doubt they would believe you.”

“Even if they don't, it would make for a delicious rumour, wouldn't it? Tsubaki, the _perfect_ retainer, the pinnacle of charm and talent, asking lil ol’ Niles if he wants to be his bedwarmer.”

“When you put it like that…”

“Are you regretting it already?”

Tsubaki was silent for a moment, and broke his silence with a shake of his head. “I don’t really have any other options.”

“Options? What, were you making a list of eligible bachelors to bump uglies with?”

“Well...maybe?” Tsubaki had looked away from him then, a flicker of shame passing over his expression. In a second, his eyes fluttered closed again, a plastic smile concealing anything else Niles could read. It made his skin crawl, and Niles’ fingers clenched involuntarily on the stone railing. “You just happened to fulfil all the criteria, is all.” Tsubaki said, his voice as lilting as the Hoshidan wind.

“And pray tell, what are these so-called criteria of yours?”

“I’ll let you know another time.” Tsubaki said with a cordial bow.

Niles felt something in him snap, and tutted harshly, his singular eye staring right at the other man with an iciness he only had when they first met. “You think I’m easy, don't you?”

The effect was instantaneous. Tsubaki flushed, all traces of his performative politeness wiped out by embarrassment. Allowing himself to take a breath, Niles felt the clawing irritation he felt around the other man dissipate, just a little.

“I-I… I never meant to imply-”

“Considering how _perfect_ you are, rejection isn't an option for you, is it?” Niles pushed himself off the railing, and smirked down at Tsubaki, so close he could see his own reflection in those increasingly furious eyes. “So you come to me, the infamous whore of Nohr. How could someone as wretched as myself reject an _apex_ of beauty such as you, Tsubaki? Is that what you were thinking?”

“I- no.” Tsubaki faltered under his gaze, his easy _(fake, patronizing, obnoxious)_ smile finally falling into a scowl. “Absolutely not.”

“I tried to stab you a few short weeks ago, you know the threat hasn't left, yes?”

“Yes, but you-” Tsubaki heard his voice crack and immediately stopped himself, taking a shaky breath. “-You have helped me since then, Niles.”

He sounded vulnerable, almost, and Niles vividly recalled the last (and the only) time the Sky Knight had let down his guard. “With-? Oh yes, the carrying burdens thing”. Of course he’d remembered. Tsubaki’s smooth, unblemished, perfect hands gingerly placed against his own, the hesitant bite of his bottom lip, eyes like fire staring so intently at him that Nile’s thought he was gonna burn. How could he ever forget.

“...Yes, the carrying burdens thing.” Tsubaki murmured, and put his hand against the railing. “I don't believe you truly care for me, but I don’t believe you hate me either.”

When Niles didn't say anything, his face betraying no reaction, Tsubaki continued.

“So I figured, you would be the simplest one to ask, that's all. It helps that you look like you have experience as well.” Tsubaki glanced over the edge of the railing to avoid looking at Niles’ eye, the nervousness evident in his entire being. It would've been endearing, just a little, Niles thought, if he still didn't talk like he was doing Niles a _favour_.

The silence stretched on between them, and Tsubaki hesitantly let go to tuck a stray strand of hair behind his ears, sighing once again. “Well, thank you for hearing me out, I suppose.”

Before Tsubaki could leave, Niles murmured, “Why do you want this?”

“Hm?”

“You have an image to maintain, don't you? I would think you'd rather save that kind of activity for your future ideal fiancé.”

Tsubaki looked him over, and Niles immediately regretted opening his mouth. The Sky Knight’s words were even and casual when he continued, “If you keep quiet, no one will find out regardless.”

Niles wasn’t one for beating around the bush. “That's not what I’m asking you. I’m asking why _you’d_ want to do this.”

“Everyone has needs, Niles, I’d think you'd know that better than most, considering how much you bother everyone else about it.”

“Yes, but most people find relief in their hands.”

Tsubaki was quiet for a moment then, cocking his head and appraising Niles like he was a map he needed to fix. The setting sun of the astral realm casted a glow behind his back, all the more heavenly on top of the castle’s allure. The world below them slowly faded into the shadows of the fort, but the smirk that grew on Tsubaki’s face only seemed to look more sinister in the orange light. Niles shivered.

“You know, you still hadn't given me an answer yet. Is this your attempt at trying to disinterest me?”

Niles tried not to seem too surprised, but the evidence must have been obvious since Tsubaki let loose an undignified little snort. Niles chuckled in response, all further barbs fading off the edge of his tongue.

Oh this should be _fun_.

 

XXXXX

 

“I really hope you know what you’re getting into, pretty boy.”

“I’m pretty boy now? Whatever happened to Mr. Perfect?”

“Someone who’s perfect, or who would want to be, would never think to ask for this.”

“Then I’m just fine with that.”

 

XXXXX

 

Tsubaki wakes up earlier than Niles, usually.

It was partly a habit he developed since his parents started forcing ( _-encouraging_ , Tsubaki reminded himself) all his lessons on him. It was partly a sense of restlessness, making sure he didn’t linger in his bed with Niles any longer than necessary lest he miss it. Dwelling too long on the fact that he actually found the warmth across his back and the lazy arms loosely gripping his mid drift to be comforting, relaxing, even, was a revelation he didn’t need, especially considering their nebulous at best relationship.

So Tsubaki does what he does every morning: neatly lay out the impeccably folded uniform he had prepared the night before (pointedly ignoring how he still hadn’t put away the set of clothes Niles oh-so-carelessly threw onto the floor last night), and heat up the water for his daily morning bath. He rummaged through his impeccably organized cupboards and neatly laid out a few bottles and vials of different ointments and oils, meticulously arranged in the exact same order in front of his mirror each time: shampoo, conditioner, mint soap, cleanser, exfoliator, a salve made of chrysanthemum, a salve made of green teas, pure water infused with cherry blossom, and of course, camellia oil. He let his fingers brush over the top of each bottle, his breathing growing calm. This was a routine he was used to, and one he took pride in. His parents had always demanded he look presentable lest he embarrass their family, and though he didn’t have much say in the myriad of different lessons he had to excel at back then, he did have control over this one, small thing.

Tsubaki heard the other man grumble from his bed, and hastily tightened the sash of the robe he had put on, before taking out a comb to run through his hair.

“Niles get up, I know you’re awake.”

Tsubaki heard his sheets rustle and shift, and briefly wondered how many wrinkles would form in the bedding this time. His hands itched with the need to correct it, but faded when he heard the (familiar, unfortunately) voice of the archer “Gods, does it have to reek like a springtime meadow here _every_ morning?”

“If you don’t like it, I implore you, just leave.”

When Tsubaki looked over to his direction, Niles seemed to be doing just that, hopping off the bed to pick his clothes off the ground and efficiently putting them back on with the experience and shamelessness of someone who’s done this a countless times. As he went to grab the cloak he had draped over one of the chairs, he stopped right behind Tsubaki. Tsubaki was about to question him when he noticed Niles was looking at one of his bottles, his one blue eye twinkling with amusement.

“Camellia oil? Really?”

“I’ll have you know that it’s one of Hoshido’s finest beauty items.”

The amusement in Nile’s face was palpable. “So you didn’t just pick it up because of your name?”

“N-no! That’s just a coincidence.”

“Can't say it isn't appropriate.”

“You should try it,” Tsubaki said, smiling serenely as he continued his brushing. “It could give your hair a shine that I’m sure would impress Lord Leo and the others.”

“And ruin my impeccably messy bedhead? I'd rather not.” Niles continued to gaze over the other items Tsubaki had arranged, and frowned, his eyebrows scrunched in what looked to be irritation.

 _No_. Tsubaki had seen Niles when he was truly irritated at him. This? This was softer.

“Do you really need _all_ that just for your face?”

“How else could I keep myself looking flawless?” Tsubaki had given a little flourish then, waving the comb like a festal.

“You spend all this time, on all these things, just to have your face look as exactly impeccably unblemished as mine.” Niles smirked.

Tsubaki hummed. “Not in 5 years, it won’t.”

“In 5 years you could be dead, my dear.”

“Perhaps. But in the event that I am not, I’d rather not develop permanent bags under my eyes.”

“Maybe you should get your beauty rest instead of calling me every other night then.”

Tsubaki snorted, and brought a hand up to his lips to try and stop the giggles that threatened to burst out of him. It didn't work, Niles raising an eyebrow as the other man was lost in a fit of quiet but unabashed laughter.

After a moment, Tsubaki calmed down, his lips relaxed in an easy-going smile. “Ah- I apologize for the outburst.” He felt his cheeks warm, just a bit. “But it’s not like you don’t seem to enjoy yourself either, Niles.”

Niles was staring at him, he could tell. “I won’t lie, seeing anything other than that obnoxious facade of yours is quite a treat.”

“I could say the same for you.”

“Unlike you, I don't prance around pretending I’m someone I’m not.”

“Do you now?” Tsubaki trained his eyes on him through the reflection in the mirror, and Niles seemed to falter a bit, though it was so imperceptible that Tsubaki wouldn't have noticed unless he was actively looking for it. The silence that filled the gap was present for only a fraction of a moment, but it was too heavy for both parties to bear.

“Isn't it about time your bath is ready? Go and take one before you start fretting about wasting the army’s water or some other bullshit.” Niles scowled, finally picking up the navy cloak he had meant to get, and fastening it around him.

“Ah- oh yes.” Tsubaki scooped up the shampoo, conditioner and soap in his arms, and hurriedly made his way to the basin he prepared. “And _you_ should leave before your liege realizes you're gone.”

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving, I can take a hint.”

With a rustle of curtains and a soundless thump, his room was silent again. Tsubaki didn’t turn back to watch Niles go, but the unnatural cold seeping into the room was enough to tell him all he needed. He shivered, and quickly got into the basin, letting the warmth of the water and the order of his routine lock out all his further thoughts.

 

XXXXX

 

“Why do you always stay the night, Niles?”

 

“What, am I not allowed to get proper sleep?”

“I would think that with how guarded you are, you’d rather not have someone else catch you sleeping.”

“...You'd be right in that assumption.”

“I suppose I’m the same way then.”

 

XXXXX

 

Usually, it was Tsubaki who asked Niles to sneak into his room, late at night, whenever he wanted his services. He tended to be quite discreet about it, and it became habit to check the metal fastening of Tsubaki’s ponytail whenever the wisp of scarlet-red hair passed his view. ‘If the tie here is blue, then you can come to my room tonight. In fact, I expect you to.’ Niles thought the other man might have been a bit paranoid, but followed his terms regardless. It’s not like he hadn’t unconsciously stopped to look at Tsubaki every time he passed by, and with how often Tsubaki asked for his company, perhaps something that discreet was a necessity.

Niles himself was not as eager to ask, partly because he never really needed to, though in the event that he wanted to, it was easy enough to find the Sky Knight and let the message pass. A simple meeting of their eyes and a quirk of his chin that let him know, as clear as if he said it out loud, ‘I’ll be in your room’.

Tsubaki had the patience to wait until the fall of night, whatever stress and burdens he accumulated over the day ebbing out under the silk sheets of his bed. It was relief, for the both of them, and Niles would be lying if he said he didn’t look forward to the sex as much as Tsubaki seemed to. It was intoxicating, his hair splashed out over the sheets like rich wine, accentuated by the way his skin coloured a deep pink. The way his flawless, oh so _flawless_ , hands gripped Niles’ back, the shudder that shot through his nails. Oh he knew it was something he shouldn’t get addicted to, and the ugly, incessant voice at the back of his mind told him that eventually he’d be thrown out when Tsubaki outgrows him.

_He’s using you as you’re using him. You’re using his reliance and desperation to make you feel like you’re worth something- anything._

At the moment, his need overrode his logic, and Niles _had_ to find the other man.

And so, here he was, walking into the training area where he knew Tsubaki practiced. It felt almost natural, waltzing into range of the straw-stuffed training dummies with an armoury of Hoshidan weaponry standing proud in the near back.

Instead of the grunts and shouts he was used to hearing (albeit in a different context), there was a young girl who looked to be around Elise’s age. She hit the training dummy with a force that made Niles cringe, and was so encompassed with her training that she didn't realize she had company even with Niles making no attempt to hide the thump of his footsteps. He debated with himself for a moment, wondering if he should just simply bide his time and wait for Tsubaki to join her, but that would give him time to think, and he didn’t quite feel like doing that at the moment.

He found himself in front of the samurai girl, and greeted her with a ‘boo’. Evidently, a mistake, because Hana’s first instinct was to slam the wooden sword in his face, knocking him to the ground.

Niles rubbed his jaw, wincing as the pain spread out over his entire cheek. He looked up at Hana, and tried to give a smirk. “What, no apology?”

“You startled me, so no! No apology.” Hana huffed, sheathing her practice sword. “Oh-” she looked over him, her eyes lightning in recognition, and her face immediately set into a scowl.

“My, what a warm welcome I’m getting.” Niles remarked, patting off the dust on his pants as he made to get up. Hana’s glare hadn't left him.

“You- you’re that Nohrian retainer right? The one who creeps around on everyone?”

“My reputation does precede me, but I suppose the rumours aren’t exactly wrong”

“Go away then. I have no time for you or your twisted games.”

“You injure me so hastily and then demand I leave? What a rude little girl you are.”

“Don't talk to me like that!” Hana looked positively furious, her hand resting at the edge of unsheathing her practice katana. “I won’t hesitate to kick your butt like I did with that other Nohrian that kept telling me to put on lipstick”

Laslow might have told him about her once. Hana, wasn’t it? Lady Sakura’s other retainer and Tsubaki’s coworker. Niles chuckled to himself sardonically, not knowing whether to curse or thank his luck.

Hana was obviously quite offended now, her almond eyes flashing dangerously as she whipped out and pointed the practice blade at Niles. “I’m serious!”

He raised both his arms in mock surrender. “Am I not allowed to come to the practice ranges? It is public use, isn't it? When have you taken responsibility for it?”

“I don't care that you're here, I care that you're bothering me! Besides, you don't even use swords, do you? The archery range is _that_ way.”

“I wasn’t looking for your company, I assure you. I’m simply looking for someone.”

Hana faltered but the look of pure anger still hasn't fully left her expression. She slowly lowered the blade though, but by the way she’s holding it, Niles knows she could strike at any time. “Who then? The only people who trains this time around are me and Tsuba-”

There was silence.

“Oh”

Hana’s face shifted into amusement so quickly that it would've given any lesser man whiplash. “So you’re Niles huh? Oh man, he talks about you a lot, you know.”

Niles tried to stay impassive, but the fact that Tsubaki talked about him at all was a fact that he didn't expect, especially considering how secretive he tended to be. He shifted on one foot and hummed, his smile casual. “And do I want to know what he says? I assume some insult about how I tried to kill him.”

“Yep!”

“Figures.”

“No, you don't understand, I work with him pretty closely you know, he’s pretty obnoxious.”

Niles smirked and decided, thank, he would thank his luck. “You're not wrong on that count.”

“Always going on and on about how perfect he is, and how I should stop being so ‘unprofessional’. Like, hello? I've been friends with Sakura forever!”

Niles grinned. “Go on, tell me more.”

“In all my time of knowing him, he never complains about anything, you know! _Mr. Perfect_ can’t afford to. I can usually tell when something is bothering him, so can Sakura, actually, but he just doesn’t complain. It’s not something he _does_.”

Niles could tell she was rambling by now, perhaps a result of quite a bit of pent up frustration. He didn't stop her, finding himself almost _needing_ to hear about the man, savouring every word like a starving alleycat.

“-But lately it's always ‘Ugh, that Niles, always busy when I need him’. ‘That isn't the proper way to man an armoury’ ‘Does he think he can dodge enemy attacks forever’ and so on and on and on. Gods, it's annoying.”

He felt a shudder pass through him, and his itch to see the Sky Knight grew stronger.

“Whoops, he really hates it whenever I tell people when he messed up, so I try not to, but you must know what he’s like already, right?”

Oh _does_ he. “I suppose I have seen another side to him, yes”

“Good!” Her voice remained chipper as she continued. “Then you should know that if you hurt him I won’t be using the practice sword to ram up your ass, right?”

Niles blinked. “My, my, should a lady your age be saying such things?”

“I didn’t realize when he was talking about Niles that he meant you, but even if Tsubaki seems to like you, I won’t be accepted so easily.”

“You know, you’re quite a scary woman. You remind me of a retainer I’m acquainted with in Nohr.”

“I’m serious, you know! He doesn’t get many friends because of the way he...is, hell, I’m annoyed by him all the time!”

“And you stand for his defence like this?”

“Of course I do! Who else will? He might be rude but he’s hell of a lot nicer than _anyone_ sees.”

Niles felt a pang of jealousy then, the feeling too-familiar to the vivid anger he felt whenever he found himself in the company of Nohr nobles, prancing and laughing as if their kingdom wasn’t a decomposing carcass, rotten to the core and with no life left to give. There was a part of him that got a sick thrill from being the only one Tsubaki relaxed around. It was a privilege he indulged in more than he should have, and though he knew it was selfish, so _selfish_ , he didn't think once to let go. After all, Tsubaki was happy, if only temporarily. Oh, he knew Tsubaki would leave him, he knew as soon as the man found someone worthy to share his perfect life with, he would cast off the crutch he was using and leave Niles to his own cold company. After all, this was simply an arrangement, wasn't it? And he knew from experience that such things were a mistake as soon as he over thought anything, as soon as he felt fear creep the edge of his chest. The impulse to leave dripped in the back of his mind, incessant and steady, and he found himself clenching the edge of his arms.

Hana must have noticed his sudden shift in mood, because she looked less adamant now, something like concern reflected in her eyes. “B-But I mean, if you're looking for him, then you probably already know that.”

Niles grunted.

“Do you want me to go get him? That's what you came here to do, right?”

The mire of thoughts unfurled into a torrent, and he felt something in him snap. It was unpleasant, realizing how much he’d let himself relax. Tsubaki knew him far too close for comfort, and- Hana was right.

“You know, I think I change my mind. I'll find him some other time.”

Hana blinked, her eyebrows furrowing after as she looked at him quizzically. She opened her mouth but closed it immediately, letting the question die on her lips. “Suit yourself.” she answered a bit gruffly.

Niles didn't turn back to look at the girl when he left, and resigned himself to spending the night alone that day.

 

XXXXX

 

“Tell me, Tsubaki, why do you not simply drop this perfect charade of yours?”

“I can't. You know I can't.”

“Are you afraid people would abandon you? That you'd be left to die, cold and helpless with nothing to your name?”

“Niles…”

“You don't know that feeling, do you? Yet you fear for it, fear for it so much that you'd do anything to give them no reason to.”

 

XXXXX

 

Tsubaki typically did not go the public bath. While he enjoyed bathing and keeping himself preened to perfection, there was something about the hot spring that was too...public, that left him too vulnerable. His routine, which he would gladly speak of to anyone who asks, was really only observed by one person. And before Niles had decided to spend his mornings lazing around in his room, it had been something he only ever did alone in the comfort of his own basin and shuttered bathing area. While others might not call his strict cleaning regimen ‘relaxing’, it was, to him, one of the few times he could let down his guard. In the privacy of his own bath, he never had to contend with others watching his body like a specimen to be analyzed, pointing out every failing of his.

_When did you get that scar? Have you been eating enough? Go and put some ointment on that before it leaves a mark. Have you been doing any of your lessons, you've barely grown, child. You’re eating too much, you’ve gained weight. Are you trying at all, Tsubaki?_

Tsubaki sighed, and tucked his knees to his chest, leaning his head back against the edge of the spring to look up at the night sky of the open-roofed building. Under the stars, and among the stars mirrored in the spring, he found peace, the rising steam dancing along to the moon’s rays. He could fall asleep here, he thought, but the rational part of him knew that would cause his skin to wrinkle. The thought was tempting, however, and he had a hard time making himself get out of the bath, letting the still water ebb and pull at his cherry-red hair. It was infinitely warmer than the now-empty dip of his bed was.

He almost jumped when he heard the door open, and whipped his head around to the intruders. Leo and Odin seemed just as surprised to see Tsubaki in the bath as he himself was, and stood awkwardly on the tile floors.

Well, Leo did. Odin greeted him as exuberantly as someone at 2 am could possibly be.

“Oh the Camellia of Hoshido! What a splendid aligning of fates this must be! I never suspected you to be a creature of the night!”

“I don’t make a habit of taking late night baths, I assure you.”

“There’s something that brought this about then?” Leo asked, his previously shocked expression completely wiped by the aloof stare he typically wore.

Tsubaki tried not to fidget under his gaze. “I would be lying if I said no, Prince Leo, but I do not want to bore you with such things. Please, come join me.”

Leo raised an eyebrow, but relaxed and settled in the bath nonetheless. Odin was about to jump in before a hard stare from his liege stopped him, and he gingerly plopped down into the water across Tsubaki instead.

“Ah- nothing soothes the aching soul as much as these waters. There's just something magical about a spring dyed with the moon’s rays, no?”

Leo hummed in acknowledgement, closing his eyes and settling further into the spring.

“It's a shame that that dastard Niles isn't here. His tainted soul needs this more than most.” Odin continued, rocking almost imperceptibly in the water.

Tsubaki tried to sound unpulsed when he hummed, realizing with growing dread and some ire that he still had an array of bite marks and bruises on his neck from Niles that night. He tried to casually lie down further into the water, until it was up to his chin, avoiding eye contact with either of the other two men.

“Would you happen to know where he is?” Leo’s gaze didn't betray any expression when his amber eyes looked straight at Tsubaki.

“I- I wouldn’t know, Lord Leo. I apologize.”

“Hm, that's a shame. He hasn’t been able to join us much lately.”

 _Or me_ , Tsubaki thought, and immediately cursed himself for his selfishness. “Do you tend to plan these out in advance? If so, shouldn't it be he who should be aware of the schedule and make efforts to attend?” Tsubaki said with a bit more bitterness than he intended to.

Odin laughed, and Tsubaki shot down the urge to glare at him. “Such frolics can not simply be planned for. Without the spontaneity, the passion, it would just be a duty, you see.”

“I see.”

“Odin tends to wake us whenever he gets the urge to come here.” Leo stated matter-of-factly. “I tend to be reading at this hour regardless, so it is a nice break from everything.”

“Lately, our midnight companion had been absent from his quarters. I assume he must be busy with trysts and such but…his companions dearly miss him, vile words and all.”

There was a part of Tsubaki that felt jealous. As much as he loved his liege and his fellow retainer, he doubted he could ever fully relax with them like this, always wrapped in duty and customs. The thought of waking Lady Sakura or Hana left him with disgust, and he could already picture the samurai’s dismissive glare and his liege's baffled fear. No. He could not possibly bother them like this.

That wasn’t even getting into his current situation with Niles. If the man wasn’t back in his own room when he hurried off (too soon after they finished, no words, no praise- nothing) then where was he?

His hands felt cold, a painful numbness creeping up the edge of his palms if he let himself think too hard of him. He couldn't deny that Niles had the splendid ability to coax out all his stresses, all his burdens turned to nothing under the heat and the heavy touches. With him, Tsubaki never had to _think_ , what to do next, what to say, how to act, his mind blissfully blank beyond that one moment with Niles body against his. It was everything he wanted, a moment of lightness and of freedom, but lately even their times together felt like another play he had to put on.

And as usual, he would rather hide away his weakness, patch up and pretend like nothing was bothering him. He was so weak, it disgusted him, but the thought of doing otherwise paralyzed him.

Perhaps this bath hadn't helped him that much after all. Tsubaki groaned.

“Is our lovely Camellia plagued with some stormy thoughts? Ease yourself of the troubles plaguing your heavy heart sky knight!” Tsubaki snapped to attention, noticing now that Odin was looking at him with sweet, innocent concern.

“No, it’s quite alright. It’s nothing for me.”

“If you wish it so, so it is written. But know that no one man can bear anything forever- a never ending drop of water can carve through even the most resilient stone.”

Leo nodded, the movement punctuated by the subtle shift of the spring waters.

“...Thank you, Odin, Lord Leo, Your companionship this evening has been most welcome.”

“There's no need to be so formal Tsubaki, you're acquainted with Niles, we both know.” Leo’s voice held no accusation, sounding as if he was asking about the weather.

“My mastery of the dark can uncover even the most hidden of truths, but in this instance your communion was as bright as a beacon- aaand about as obvious.” Odin said, scratching his head.

Tsubaki flushed, a feat, considering he was already quite warm from the heat of the hot spring. “...Oh.”

“You met him tonight, didn't you?”

“Yes…I did. Though I wasn’t lying earlier, I really don't know where he is.”

“I figured that was the case.”

“If it isn't too presumptuous to ask, what does Niles see me as, exactly?”

Odin and Leo shared a glance between them, and looked back at the Hoshidan again. Tsubaki fidgeted, an apology on the edge of his lips before Odin interrupted.

“Niles is...a mystery. We know him dear and well but in matters such as this it would be wise to ask him yourself, no? You might even already know the answer.”

Tsubaki frowned, looking almost childishly sullen at the answer. Leo watched him with curiosity before sighing, and spoke.

“You know, my brother once told me, in the Nohrian court you mustn't show weakness. Anyone could use it against you, whether it be for political gambits, scandals or even assassinations.”

Tsubaki looked up then.

“I took it to heart of course, but when Cor- well, when something unfortunate happened, I couldn't handle it, no matter how much I presented otherwise. I- I learned to relax since then, I spoke to more people, and I reconciled with that betrayal. Speak your mind, Tsubaki, and I’m sure your worries will be at ease.”

Odin was staring at Leo with awe when his liege finished speaking. He was about to put an arm around the Prince’s shoulders before Leo immediately scooted to the side and shook his head, the beginning of a blush on his cheeks. “Er- that’s my advice. Take it to heart because I doubt I will ever tell you this again.” Leo mumbled.

Tsubaki let himself smile, and chuckled lightly. “Thank you, Lord Leo. Really.”

“Man! That was inspiring though! Just as expected from our liege! My pride for you knows no bounds-”

“Don't speak about this to _anyone_ , Odin.”

“I knew these bathhouse rendezvous were a good idea!”

“Odin, enough.”

The stars still shone high above the three of them but the vastness of the sky nor the water didn't feel as solitary. Among Odin and Leo’s comfortable conversation, Tsubaki’s light laughter carried pleasantly in the baths warm air, and he knew- at that moment, that he wanted to experience this again.

Not just with Odin and Lord Leo, nor his Lady Sakura and Hana, he knew he wanted Niles to experience it with him as well.

 

XXXXX

 

“You fear it too, don't you Niles?”

“For once, can you keep quiet?”

“You and I are more alike than you’d like to admit. You go on and on about the way I act but what about you? If you stopped insulting and provoking everyone you meet, what would you have left?”

“You’re really aggravating sometimes, Tsubaki”

“You give them a reason to hate you, you give them a reason to abandon you, so you can wallow in self pity and never deal with someone hating you-”

“You know, I think it's about time I leave.”

 

XXXXX

 

“You’re here again? Do you just like being in high places?”

Tsubaki didn’t seem surprised when he turned his face to look at Niles, sitting on the parapet with his feet dangling over the skyline like it was a forest stream. He had an unreadable expression on his face, and didn’t reply, turning his gaze back to the horizon.

“I could easily push you off right now, Tsubaki.”

“We both know that you won’t.”

“Was there a reason you called me up here? Surely you didn't put in the effort to contact Lord Leo just to argue with me.”

Tsubaki turned to really look at him then, he was more subdued than usual. None of his theatrics remained, only leaving an unsure and hesitant man who seemed much younger than he was.

“Niles, I want to ask you one thing.”

Nile’s smiled that devious grin of his. “You can ask me anything, I can guarantee no answers though.”

“What do you think of me? Of us?”

“Now that’s a loaded question, isn’t it?”

The silence that stretched over the horizon was heavy, and seemed even more oppressive and lonely on the tops of the castle walls. Tsubaki was staring at him intently, his red eyes observing him with an intensity that Niles knew he couldn’t hide from. He hated it.

“You were simply what you arranged us to be, nothing more. Did you think otherwise?”

Tsubaki’s gaze narrowed. Wrong answer. “You obviously did.”

“Maybe you were reading too much into it. Maybe you were projecting all your shortcomings onto me.”

“I won’t deny that I’m attached to you, that is exactly why I’d rather a straight answer out of you. I’m tired of avoiding this situation- don’t think I haven’t noticed, but you know me Niles. You knew I wouldn’t say anything, you knew that I’d be too scared of losing you to say anything.”

Niles flinched, and crossed his arms, his nails scratching the crook of his elbow as he resisted the urge to clamp down harder. Too close, too close, _too close_.

“You can’t deny it, can you Niles? We both know each other too well, unfortunately.”

“What kind of answer do you want then? That I did care? What’s the point if you seem to know _everything_ about me already?”

“I don’t want to have to think with every encounter with you! The entire reason I even asked you was because I thought I wouldn’t have to.”

Tsubaki frowned, his crimson hair whipping in the orange-pink sky exactly as it did the month before. He tucked a strand behind his ear and looked up at the pale stars, peeking through the breaking twilight. “When you offered to take my burdens that time,” he started, his voice so quiet Niles had to strain his ears to hear it, “I admit, I was happy. I didn't trust you at all, but maybe that's why I was willing to play along. I was foolish, weak, and I wanted so bad to feel even half as nonchalant as you did”

Niles was still, not looking over at the Hoshidan an arm’s reach away from him.

“I didn't know you that well back then, but I wanted to. You were right about my assumption you were easy, that’s why I went with the method I did.”

“You were really willing to give up your body just to let go of your burdens? You're twisted, Tsubaki”. Niles murmured, the jab becoming sobering as he heard it pass his lips.

“I know I am.”

“Well that makes two of us”

“I was jealous of you, you know, you always acted like you didn't care what anyone thought, but that was an act too, wasn't it?”

“If you know the answer already, why bother asking me?”

“I want to hear it from you. I’m willing to say what I mean, but only if you are too.”

“It isn’t that easy Tsubaki.”

“I know, but I’m willing to try. I don’t have anyone else I can relax around like you do.”

That shot a nerve through Niles, and he couldn’t figure out whether to pity the man or snap at him. With how this conversation seemed to be going, he settled on the latter, anger was much easier to deal with.

“You think you don’t? That _you_ can’t find anyone else?” Niles barked, his voice coming out far harsher than either was used to. “You think your liege would care if you tripped once? The girl is as delicate as a damn butterfly and far more perceptive than you give her credit for. And what of Hana? That brat threatened to stab a sword in my ass if I so much as hurt your delicate little soul!”

The Hoshidan flinched. _Good_. “Why are you bringing them into this? This has nothing to do with them!”

“If it’s just the sex you want, then I’m happy to oblige, but don’t pretend that I’m the only one you have.”

“I-” Tsubaki looked at him then, his eyebrows furrowed as the information settled. His mouth was parted and he breathed out a small ‘oh’.

“Are you jealous too Niles?” he said, an almost whisper accompanied by a hesitant gaze.

“Of them? No.”

“Then of me? You think me naive for spending my time with you.” It wasn’t a question, and they both knew it, and Niles sigh was as much a confirmation as if he said it himself.

Tsubaki placed his hand beside him on top of the parapet, palm down, making no further moves otherwise. “You know- I met your liege and Odin the other night. In regular circumstances I would simply make pleasantries, ask about the weather and such, but I admit, I wasn’t in the best state of mind then.”

Niles hummed, his eye flickering over to the hand beside him.

“I talked to them- really talked to them. They were kind, and I’ll admit, quite the characters-”

“-You can just say Odin”

Tsubaki held back a snort. “-Alright, Odin was quite strange, but it made me realize something.”

Tsubaki looked at his hand again, and gingerly turned it so the palm faced upward. “I said I’d try, and not just with you. I would like to try and let myself trust the people I work with. Then, and only then, I’d like to try again with you.”

“Come again?”

“I want to assuage your fears, Niles. Am I with you because you’re my only option? That’s what you’re worried about, right? Then I want to prove you wrong”

The wind picked up then, the gale howling in his ears and whipping Niles’ navy cloak behind him like a tidal wave. It echoed the pounding in his chest, the feeling of being caught, a checkmate in this unspoken game they’ve been playing for as long as they met. His lips curled up before he broke out into laughter, out of hysteria or relief- he couldn’t tell anymore.

The narrowing of those red eyes were unmistakable, Tsubaki frowned. “I’m being serious you know.”

“Most people don’t ask to be friends after fucking for a month.”

“Most people also don’t ask you to be their friend to begin with.”

“Ouch, are you really trying to give me a second chance here?”

“I thought friendly jabs were an integral part of any friendship.”

“In some cases more than others. Though I guess in my case I should be grateful I don’t have to hold back”

“Because I know you like me?” Tsubaki looked at him smugly.

“Because I know you can take it as well as I give it, dear”

The sun had long set, and in the blanket of the night sky, absent of the moon but with a river of stars above, the two men continued to laugh and chat on the tops of the castle walls. Their voices drowned out by the wind, and their figures obscured by the dark. They couldn’t put a name on their relationship, a mess of circumstances brought about by opposites who were more similar than they ever realized, but for now, this was good enough.

**Author's Note:**

> after this Subaki and Niles did actually end up dating and Hana, Sakura, Leo, Odin, Niles, and Subaki all hang out and do some dumb shit together bc theyre my fave retainer trios


End file.
